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Posts tagged as “Svalbardi”

Hunting ‘Unicorn’: Svalbarði hoping participants on reality TV investment show pull trigger on 800-kroner iceberg waterrealitytvwater

Hunting ‘Unicorn’: Svalbarði hoping participants on reality TV investment show pull trigger on 800-kroner iceberg water

By Mark Sabbatini on June 11, 2018
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Read Time:2 Minute, 59 Second

In the first-ever episode of “The Apprentice” a guy tried to win a lemonade stand challenge by charging $1,000 a glass in the hope of making a single sale (he failed and was fired soon afterward). So by comparison, asking ordinary folks if they’re cool paying a mere $100 for a bottle of Svalbarði’s “super-premium” iceberg water ought to be a smooth sell.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
marksabbatini@yahoo.com
http://icepeople.net
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Doomsday scenarios: Impending collision with Planet X, ‘flooded’ seed vault, toilet paper famine among Svalbard’s 10 strangest stories of 2017strangest

Doomsday scenarios: Impending collision with Planet X, ‘flooded’ seed vault, toilet paper famine among Svalbard’s 10 strangest stories of 2017

By Mark Sabbatini on January 5, 2018
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Read Time:14 Minute, 33 Second

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

•••••

We feel safe saying after 2017 we’re now living in an alternate universe.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
marksabbatini@yahoo.com
http://icepeople.net
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Random weirdness for the week of Sept. 26, 2017navyship

Random weirdness for the week of Sept. 26, 2017

By Mark Sabbatini on September 26, 2017
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Read Time:4 Minute, 22 Second

Hmmm…this week we’ve got the military strutting its stuff in our non-militarized haven, the mayor worrying tourism will soon be as unpopular as mining (at a time when many local pols are rooting for boom times in both industries) and outrage in Hong Kong about the exorbitant prices of our local “super premium” Svalbarði bottled glacier water. So which to lead off with? Well, since a real newspaper would go with the item most likely to significantly affect the most people reading this (and in this case the plural reference may be overly optimistic), we’re obviously starting with the water weirdness…

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
marksabbatini@yahoo.com
http://icepeople.net
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Random weirdness for the week of Sept. 12, 2017reindeerkids1

Random weirdness for the week of Sept. 12, 2017

By Mark Sabbatini on September 12, 2017
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Read Time:5 Minute, 28 Second

The sight of gunshot-riddled reindeer carcasses hanging from what’s normally a swing set at Kullungen Kindergarten is yet another reminder Svalbard is a right-wing conservative haven, no matter what stereotypes they have about Norway being an Arctic version of North Korea.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
marksabbatini@yahoo.com
http://icepeople.net
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‘Would you pay £80 for a bottle of WATER?’ Svalbarði’s big-time success also means big-time scornglacierwater

‘Would you pay £80 for a bottle of WATER?’ Svalbarði’s big-time success also means big-time scorn

By Mark Sabbatini on February 16, 2017
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Read Time:3 Minute, 57 Second

Plenty of folks are toasting Jamal Qureshi’s success, although most probably aren’t doing it with his product. Plenty are indifferent about the rich choosing to literally piss their money away. And plenty are predictably reacting with ridicule and rage.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
marksabbatini@yahoo.com
http://icepeople.net
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Random weirdness for the week of July 12, 2016icewaterguys

Random weirdness for the week of July 12, 2016

By Mark Sabbatini on July 17, 2016
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Read Time:2 Minute, 0 Second

Svalbard Bryggeri may have generated most of the buzz during the past year when it comes to local liquids, but the frozen chosen dudes in the photo above managed to make some folks woozy by selling (yes, lots of people are actually buying it) local glacier water at for 300 kroner for a 750ml bottle (tip: you’d need to bring a few for this hike).

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
marksabbatini@yahoo.com
http://icepeople.net
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Briefs from Svalbardposten for the week of May 24, 2016pricywater

Briefs from Svalbardposten for the week of May 24, 2016

By Mark Sabbatini on May 27, 2016
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Read Time:1 Minute, 52 Second

400 kr. for a 750ml bottle of ‘luxury’ local water ‘not a lot’
Anyone in Svalbard can drink locally sourced water merely by turning on a tap – or melting ice or snow – but Jamal Qureshi says he believes plenty of people will be willing to pay 400 kroner for a 750-milliliter bottle of his water from the archipelago.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
marksabbatini@yahoo.com
http://icepeople.net
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Random weirdness for the week of Oct. 13, 2015glacierwater

Random weirdness for the week of Oct. 13, 2015

By Mark Sabbatini on October 18, 2015
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Read Time:3 Minute, 13 Second

Great…now when the most spoiled of our tourists pee on our public landmarks they’ll boast they’re vastly enhancing the value of those structures. We’re assuming they’ll be filling their bladders with a new brand of ” premium luxury” bottled water made from ice collected from our glaciers that will cost 300 kroner for a 750-ml bottle.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
marksabbatini@yahoo.com
http://icepeople.net
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