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A total of 28 residences near the avalanche-prone mountain of Lia and 81 student dorms in Nybyen must be evacuated by 8 a.m. Thursday due to a storm expected to bring winds exceeding 80 kilometers an hour and extreme avalanche danger to Longyearbyen throughout the day, The Governor of Svalbard announced Wednesday evening. The evacuations are scheduled to last at least until Saturday morning.
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I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.