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The Russians might be deploying troops, but it’s the United States that’s revolting. Construction is nearing completion on a major new Russian military base on Franz-Joseph Land, located just to the east of Svalbard at 80 degrees latitude north, which will allow up to 150 soldiers to live and training for 18 months at a time. Russia has been building up its military its Arctic territories for many years, but this particular base apparently is particularly ominous since that ultimate source of objective news known as the Drudge Report alerted the world to it with the banner headline “Putin Takes Arctic.”
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I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.