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Random weirdness for the week of July 10, 2018

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Being the Official Source© for UFO sightings in Svalbard we of course are rushing to report that the above photo of the “Northern Lights” in Svalbard, shot from the International Space Station, is proof of spaceships are still finding the archipelago an attractive visiting spot. Or so says Himali Singh Soin in an article for Vice documenting her hunt for aliens in the polar regions. “When I first saw the aurora borealis in Ny Ålesund, I screamed,” she wrote. “The sky howled green, vibrating like giant organ pipes in a church’s belfry, calling God or something big into being…no amount of explanation could have convinced me that this was not an extraterrestrial arrival.” Her maniacal efforts conclude with the enlightening conclusion that “a real alien species, Homo Hubris, is in our midst.” Alas, there’s something about the polar regions that tend to make the creatures lose their minds. And who are those creatures? Hint: think “Planet of the Apes…”

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Not-so-hybrid vehicle: Still, it went a pretty impressive distance on its maiden voyage. Photo provided to Svalbardposten by an anonymous “tipster.”

During a week where whale and bear photos taken in/near Longyearbyen were prolific, a hat tip to the anonymous person who took what’s definitely the splashiest photo of the week to the right. Credited as a “tipster” by Svalbardposten, the photographer captured the soggy end of an off-the-road journey in Advendalen shortly before 10 p.m. Friday. The driver didn’t sustain any significant injuries and the police are investigating, but apparently alcohol wasn’t a factor…

There’s been plenty of articles over the years noting Svalbard is better off than most because the Doomsday Vault was built with large-scale disasters up to Armageddon in mind. So with some worrying about Judgement Day with all the recent stuff about North Korea, Russia, Fake News and the link, we’re a bit befuddled by London’s Daily Express suggesting “Bear Island” is the best place to be in Svalbard if the nukes fly. In an article headlined “Most remote islands on the planet to escape to if World War Three strikes MAPPED,” the tabloid notes Svalbard’s southernmost island “got its name from the polar bear but the bear only pays occasional visits to the island now when it is surrounded by drift ice during the winter (Note from us: expect a lot more winter after the bombs fall). What our Enquiring Minds are wondering: 1) why recommend the island closest to the outside world where there bombs are falling, thus exposing folks to the most radiation/whatever, 2) why not remain where the seed vault is (not to mention all the actual food and other necessities of life) in Longyearbyen, and 3) how is Bjørnøya (the island’s real name to you outsiders) more remote than one of the northernmost islands like Kvitøya? Somehow we doubt the tabloid will ponder any of this at length since it seems to have a fetish for WWIII articles – in addition to the “related” article at the end of the story, a site search revealed 53 articles referring to “World War 3” in some way during the past month.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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