Rant: Holy f****** c***, we just published a 20-page fishwrapper…

20pages
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Read Time:1 Minute, 2 Second

It was a cute and quirky bathroom reader at four pages. It became constipation-worthy at eight pages. And capable of causing constipation at 12 pages. This monstrosity might require surgical extraction.

(It’s also a bit late, but that’s hardly happening for the first time)

If you think reading this week’s issue (view/download the PDF) is the crappiest experience ever, try putting it together (yeah, it’s a lot of writing, but we’re also referring to the process of sorting, folding and stapling that many dead trees together). And maybe even more painful than an enema (and we would know) is seeing the bill for all those photocopies.

As our crackpot editor notes on some inside page (hey, you don’t think us copy trolls in the dungeon actually read his crap?), we’re paying you 25 kroner to read this thing. Not saying you don’t deserve it, but we won’t be clogging things up for long at that rate.

So if you drop something besides a laxative in the change jars where the fishwrapper is or want to make a one-time online donation, we’d really, really be relieved. Even better for you, we’ll be able to barraging you with a non-stop flow of toilet humor.

 

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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