icewaterguys

Random weirdness for the week of July 12, 2016

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Svalbard Bryggeri may have generated most of the buzz during the past year when it comes to local liquids, but the frozen chosen dudes in the photo above managed to make some folks woozy by selling (yes, lots of people are actually buying it) local glacier water at for 300 kroner for a 750ml bottle (tip: you’d need to bring a few for this hike). And lest one scoff, Svalbarði (don’t get us started, but the name for some reason is Icelandic), was awarded “best-tasting super-low minerality water” at the International Fine Water Tasting Competition 2016, held recently in Guangzhou, China. A total of 70 waters from 25 different countries competed for medals, judged against their overall quality including appearance, aroma, taste, mouthfeel and aftertaste…

We just loved (coughed) how “Titanic” managed to make the deaths of 1,500 people a drama about something other than what it really was (but since the target audience didn’t know the ship existed in real life, hey) so when Jack decided to host a charity auction to protect the planet we figured things might get a bit wiggy when we learned a trip here (and to “the three Poles,” which we’ll get to in a minute) was among the items for bid. But, since we’re impartial journalists we’ll report and let you decide: “Winner will spend the night on the North Pole and fly further [huh?] to an ice camp to meet polar scientists who will talk about climate change in the Arctic. Then fly back to Svalbard Island [oops] to visit research stations and go on a dogsled safari to watch polar bears in the wild. This may be the last chance in history to ever visit the North Pole in daylight.” [WTF?] As for the “three Poles” thing, OK we can see that since there’s the geographical and magnetic Poles, but noooo….. Again, from the auction calendar: “Finally, during one week you will have the unique opportunity to fly into the famous Mt. Everest Death Zone.” And while the package is likely to cost even more than a movie ticket and large popcorn, it’s probably no surprise Jack isn’t going with you since he’s seen enough ice to last a lifetime. BTW, his foundation has awarded about $60 million in environmental grants since 1998, while we’ve killed who knows how many trees printing this rag since then, so…

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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minetourism Previous post Briefs from Svalbardposten for the week of July 12, 2016
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