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Posts published in May 2016

Briefs from Svalbardposten for the week of May 10, 2016

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Read Time:1 Minute, 41 Second

Telenor hoping to provide 4G mobile for all of Svalbard
Providing 4G mobile broadband throughout Svalbard and surrounding sea areas is being proposed by Telenor Svalbard, whose officials suggest the upgrade is more about public safety than company profits.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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McChickensh*t: UK nixes ‘Boaty McBoatface,’ names new ship after guy who filmed ‘Svalbard’ polar bears at zoo

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Read Time:2 Minute, 45 Second

Boaty McBoatface. Boaty McBoatface. Boaty McBoatface. Boaty McBoatface. Boaty McBoatface. Boaty McBoatface. Boaty McBoatface. Boaty McBoatface. Boaty McBoatface. Boaty McBoatface…

The name (Boaty McBoatface, if you’ve forgotten) will seldom be seen when referring to the vessel that will show up in Svalbard and other polar ports in the future – although we guarantee to mention it at least one in every relevant article until that fishwatcher or this fishwrapper sinks. Meanwhile, Boaty McBoatface will be mentioned as often as possible in this story about how the vote of the people was overridden by timid tyrants.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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ALERT: Extreme avalanche danger forecast Thursday for most of Svalbard; area near Longyearbyen also considered high-risk

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Travelers are being urged to avoid any potential avalanche-prone areas in most of Svalbard on Thursday, particularly along the east coast, due to a Level Four (“great”) risk rating, the second highest possible, according to a warning issued Wednesday by the Norwegian Avalanche Center. The rest of the archipelago is also considered to be at “considerable” risk.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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‘White’ out: Government’s new blueprint for Svalbard does little to alter natural transition into post-mining society

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Read Time:5 Minute, 53 Second

There’s no magical “big” solution, no major new goals not already stated and – aside from 10 million kroner for infrastructure related to the Dec. 19 avalanche – no new hardcore funding commitments.

The long-awaited revision of the “Svalbard Message” – a “white paper” outlining the Norwegian’s policy goals for the archipelago – largely refers to commitments already made to keep coal mining on life support for the next few years while encouraging an expansion of both the size and diversity of private industries, plus an expansion of education and research activities.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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Postal going? ‘World’s largest Santa’s mailbox’ needs to get in ship shape with ‘real’ mail, says local postmaster

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Read Time:1 Minute, 47 Second

The world’s largest mailbox to Santa is turning out to be a wee bit of a problem.

Santa’s getting his mail, but most of the letters with real stamps being sent to other people apparently aren’t, at least not in anything close to a timely fashion, according to Oddny Slatlem, postmaster at Longyearbyen’s post office.

“For us it is important to emphasize that this is not a real mailbox,” he told Svalbardposten. “We have urged the owner to either close it or hang up clear information in several languages ​​that this is not a mailbox.”

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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Sky-high dreams: KHO, EISCAT officials hoping spacey students play big role in launching new research era

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Read Time:2 Minute, 25 Second

For university students seeking answers not likely to be asked on other campuses, here’s a biggie: How many can squeeze into the “wagon” of a snowcat for what may be the longest daily commute in Svalbard?

The answer appears to be 17, which fortunately is the same number in a group visiting the Kjell Henriksen Observatory (KHO) recently to study the Northern Lights and other atmospheric phenomena.

“That’s why I’m here, because it’s a passion,” said Katie Ann Herlingshaw, one of the students, in a Euronews story published last month. “This’ll give me some credits towards my PhD but I don’t really care about the credits, I’m here for the science, for the Northern Lights.”

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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If Super Pumas are grounded, why not the governor’s (and what was that ‘other’ helicopter at the ski marathon)?

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Read Time:1 Minute, 29 Second

A Super Puma helicopter that killed 13 people when it crashed off the coast of west Norway on Friday is a “next generation” model of the two rescue helicopters used by The Governor of Svalbard, so a worldwide grounding of the fleet doesn’t apply to the local aircraft, according to officials.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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Random weirdness for the week of May 3, 2016

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Read Time:1 Minute, 58 Second

A space object that may or may not be the Death Star or some other alien craft cast a light ray on Longyearbyen last week (see photo above). Alien sightings are reported regularly in Svalbard, including people claiming a spaceship spent a year or so on the town’s beachfront and a UFO that crashed in the mountains is now hiding with the zombies in the Doomsday Vault. For more about our endless efforts to pursue the truth about what’s out there check out our otherworldy coverage

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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Briefs from Svalbardposten for the week of May 3, 2016

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Read Time:1 Minute, 34 Second

Polar bear spotted near town gets ticket to far northeast
A polar bear that wandered near Longyearbyen last Friday has been released  at Ringertzøya in Nordaustlandet, according to The Governor of Svalbard.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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