Random weirdness for the week of May 3, 2016

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A space object that may or may not be the Death Star or some other alien craft cast a light ray on Longyearbyen last week (see photo above). Alien sightings are reported regularly in Svalbard, including people claiming a spaceship spent a year or so on the town’s beachfront and a UFO that crashed in the mountains is now hiding with the zombies in the Doomsday Vault. For more about our endless efforts to pursue the truth about what’s out there check out our otherworldy coverage

luxuryprison
Fervent to be a freeloader: If it’s a choice of living here after a deliberately botched robbery or in the land of Trumpmania, which would you pick? Photo by Marco De Lauro.

We’ve long fantasized that if we ever get thrown out of for being “undesirables” we’ll get to do time in one of Norway’s famous luxury prisons like the Bastoy island facility (picture at right), even if climates on the mainland are a bit warm for our liking. But, it seems, even the world’s most awesome prison system is a human rights violator, at least when it comes to the misunderstood soul of  Anders Behring Breivik, a name we generally don’t print so as not to give that mother****** any more publicity than he’s already getting. But it put our local teenage surviver, Viljar Hanssen, back in the global headlines as well with his rather emphatic denunciations of the ruling. ““This is an assault on us all,” wrote Hanssen, who was shot five times and barely survived – albeit with the loss of an eye and some of his motor skills – in a Facebook post. “The court has gone a bit too far now, wanting Norway to be the best boy in class when it comes to human rights.” BTW, in this week’s “two degrees of separation” in terms of the fishwrapper, we did note with interest Robert Hermansen (the hero/villain on page seven) noted when he got our of prison that, while he caught up on a lot of reading in those less-than-torturous cells, you still had to deal with the fact you neighbors were kinda unpleasant types with a tendency to beat you up on a regular basis. Maybe if ABB was bitching about that instead of being stuck with an outdated Playstation 3…

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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