Random weirdness for the week of Feb. 2, 2016

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We have seen the future of coal mining in Svalbard and, to paraphrase a certain idiot dominating politics in the U.S., there’s just going to be so much winning we’re all going to get tired of it. How can it be otherwise, now that North Korea has signed the Svalbard Treaty since, as their official news agency never ceases reminding us, they’re super productive and efficient in ways the evil warmongers in the West will never be. Plus, of course, the Party proletariat are so rapturously happy they’ll work 25/8/366 for no pay and nary a scrap of food. And the Dear Leader is obviously so much smarter than our bureaucrats and scientists since “Svalbard has rich underground deposits of coal and other resources,” according to their official news agency (originally spotted by The Independent Barents Observer. Plus, he’s the Ultimate Arctic Warrior since he’s got incredible natural insulation, brings his own toilet with him everywhere and is the best skier in his country. Needless to say, the announcement – which some Norwegian officials initially said was fictional – has made for heavy clickbait during the past week (obviously we had to bite the hook). Alas, much of it is the usual negative propaganda and lies from the traitor puppet-controlled media. The Arctic Journal, for instance, opines “exactly what sort of activities would be undertaken in the region is a open question, given North Korea’s limited scientific capabilities and a decrepit economy, which remains centrally planned, lacks hard currency, and is subject to extensive international sanctions in response to the authoritarian regime’s ongoing nuclear weapons development…”

Speaking of the inane Western media, the fine French folks at Paris Match have gotten around to reporting Queen Sonja’s visit to Longyearbyen last month to tour the avalanche zone and, as is to be expected of a publication of their caliber, they covered the really important stuff we and the MSM missed. “Warm jacket, elegant fur hat and thick snow shoes,” the article begins. “Queen Sonja was wearing this proper attire Jan. 7 to go with the Norwegian Minister of Justice Anders Anundsen to Svalbard…”

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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2 thoughts on “Random weirdness for the week of Feb. 2, 2016

  1. Gud forby den kjære leder får hendene på et territorium i Vesten. Nordkoreanerne synes å være ganske god på tunneldriving , som de har skjult hele sitt atom og rocketry testing av anlegg under bakken. Vær skeptisk til alle shoft , fett mann med morsomme hår , bærende på et toalett !

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