Rant: Somebody saw a spaceship and alien beings in Longyearbyen. Somebody else assumed we’d be the newspaper that would jump on the story. So we did.

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Once again we’ve lived up to our reputation for being THE source of trashy journalism in Svalbard.

An Englishman known as “Dewsburyman” told the world Saturday he’d seen “evidence of alien beings” in Longyearbyen on Saturday in the form of a photo from the webcam at The University Centre in Svalbard showing what appeared to be “a spaceship (green with gold top) parked by the water’s edge.”

The first response was “of course it’s a spaceship,” with a comment implying it obviously wasn’t something innocent like a cargo container.

But the kicker came when another respondant suggested our humble publication would surely get to the bottom of things (seeing as how we’ve never been above reporting previous UFO/alien encounters). So naturally we had to immediately assign our best investigative reporter (of, course, he’s also the worst due our rather thin reporter roster at the moment) to discover The Truth Out There.

Thankfully, the UNIS webcam is the prototype of how to do one properly: 360 degrees, zoomable and able to provide past images from any time you specify. So we took a look at the shoreline when the message was posted…hmm, the only ship in port was the Polarsyssel, which admittedly has a bit of a UFO look when viewed from the nose due to its massive high bow dwarfing the shallow and flat rear three-quarters of the vessel. But as a blue-topped-by-white fixture, it didn’t seem like the culprit unless Dewsburyman was seeing the world through a rosé-colored lens.

So instead, we simply looked for anything in the water or off matching the green-topped-with-gold description and it ended up being fairly simple to determine what’s seen. And in a sense he was right – it’s definitely alien material, although we don’t yet have proof any of it is from another planet.

Instead, it turns out he was looking at the infamous “rubbish hut” built last year using trash collected during the annual cleanup cruise the governor organizes on the north shores of Spitsbergen. It was a hugely controversial project resulting in tons of colorful stories – and as a result even it’s harshest critics want to preserve it even though the artist that built it says she will tear it down this fall.

The supposed UFO sighting just add to its storied history, of course, whether it’s torn down or not. But we’re not ashamed to admit we’re amused by having a tidbit in our own lore as well – that when it comes to things like alien sightings in Svalbard, we’re apparently the source that can counted on to report them to you.

That said, if you see Elvis call the MSM paper across the street. We’ve never had much of a thing for his music or culinary preferences, and were among those voting in favor of the “as he is still alive today” stamp the lamestream media stubbornly ignored as the real winner of that survey.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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One thought on “Rant: Somebody saw a spaceship and alien beings in Longyearbyen. Somebody else assumed we’d be the newspaper that would jump on the story. So we did.

  1. Fun story! Every community needs an unlikely tale, a scary house, a menacing hermit. Tourists like them too. Seeing that huge green “rubbish hut” it strikes me you can do better. Suggested icon: The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM). Something tells me “he” might be fairly well known there. ;-D

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