Random weirdness for the week of Sept. 1, 2015

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Acknowledging most locals are probably in about as much of a mood for humor as they were after Utøya or 9/11 due to Store Norske seemingly going through its death throes this week, we nonetheless will lead off here with an item that my manage to make a few smile while serving as a reminder that – in the overall scheme of things – even though most of us are about to plunged into turmoil, we could be facing much, much worse. It seems if we really want a solution to our coal crisis, all we have to do is follow the lead of North Korea where, according to the official government news agency, “Coal Miners Boost Production with Hatred against Warmongers.” The article published last week by the Korean Central News Agency declares “the coal miners in the DPRK have turned out in a campaign to boost production with the hatred against the south Korean puppet warmongers…Kim Hak Chol, a coal miner of the Toksan Coal Mine, told KCNA that he has carried out his daily quota by 200 percent in the spirit of mercilessly annihilating those warmongers.” In short, when the government folks who now own Store Norske meet this week, their best bet is to double down on Russia’s annoying incursions on our turf, therefore escalating tensions and spurring Store Norske miners into a heated rage that triples production at no extra cost. Even with coal prices in the toilet, that kind of volume ought to ensure stability…

For those looking for a bit of real consolation, we’re guessing in one of our online rants (tinyurl.com/opzqtcb) that while the cutbacks are almost certainly legit, it’s not out of the question the company is announcing such drastic measures now in the hope of forcing the government’s hand when it comes to their pledge of ensuring they preserve a strong Norwegian presence here…

Finally, for a real bit of legit weirdness, anyone want to guess what the hell this week’s photo is about? Folks got a look at the watercraft during their Clean Up Svalbard cruise last month, which involved cleaning up trash along the coast. But the bubble-wrap boat wasn’t their means of getting to shore – rather it was one of 14 images in exhibit by Anne Percoco, a sculptor from the United States, that was displayed on the ship during the cruise. And the raft is not actually bubble wrap, but plastic bottles meant to draw attention to the severe pollution problem in the rivers of India.

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
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