bearufo

Random weirdness for the week of April 7, 2015

Read Time:2 Minute, 28 Second

We never thought one day we’d be yearning yet more insistence from scientists that Svalbard’s polar bears are kin to the Abominable Snowmen roaming the Himalayas, but it seems like teaming the furry kinsfolk up may be a good idea to ward off an invasive species threat a certain boffin says we may face. Fergus Simpson, in an actual journal article at the Cornell University Library, calculates the minimum size for extraterrestrial life to exist, based on the laws of conservation of energy seen on Earth. is about 300 kilograms – or the median weight of a polar bear. “Most inhabited planets are likely to be closer in size to Mars than the Earth,” he writes in the synopsis of the study. “Furthermore, since population density is widely observed to decline with increasing body mass, we conclude that most intelligent species are expected to exceed 300 kilograms.” While his findings set off some amused media speculation (“I think the average size calculation is reasonable,” a University of St Andrews scientist told Newsweek), it was the polar bear comparison that left some fellow beakers baffled. “Polar bears are large but do not write great literature and build radio towers and a lot of that is probably because they are walking around on all fours,” Seth Shostak, a researcher at the Search For Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence Institute told the magazine. But the animals also were savvy enough not to fall for the Mars One scheme, so maybe their mass would fare better on the red planet than us…

Meanwhile, doomcriers are sounding the alarm about another great red worshipper of war, as a spattering of articles about Russia parking its ships at what was once a secret Norwegian naval base near Tromsø is this week’s contribution to the hot air surrounding the New Cold War. Among the comments in one article: “Nothing wrong with learning Russian. Far better than having to learn Arabic or American Ebonics”…

And since Easter was this past weekend, visitors who attended Mass at Svalbard Church might think we’re already a bunch of godless heathens since, as usually, most of the seats were empty. But that’s largely because they missed the “real” holiday service at what Priest Leif Magne Helgesen calls “the world’s most beautiful cathedral,” as a far larger congregation gathered for the annual Good Friday Mass at Tempelfjorden. “It’s always great to celebrate Easter worship there,” he wrote in a post on his Facebook message. “Today it was warm at only around -12C.” Locals then tend to spend the rest of the holiday weekend in God’s creation rather than mankind’s by touring, camping and staying in cabins. And while beer rather than wine tends to be the holy potion of choice on the Day of Resurrection, since pretty much the whole town crams into the (inside) church for the Palm Sunday/Confirmation Mass the week before we figure God’s OK with limiting his smiting to the usual round of hangovers.

outsidemassinsidemass

 

 

About Post Author

Mark Sabbatini

I'm a professional transient living on a tiny Norwegian island next door to the North Pole, where once a week (or thereabouts) I pollute our extreme and pristine environment with paper fishwrappers decorated with seemingly random letters that would cause a thousand monkeys with a thousand typewriters to die of humiliation. Such is the wisdom one acquires after more than 25 years in the world's second-least-respected occupation, much of it roaming the seven continents in search of jazz, unrecognizable street food and escorts I f****d with by insisting they give me the platonic tours of their cities promised in their ads. But it turns out this tiny group of islands known as Svalbard is my True Love and, generous contributions from you willing, I'll keep littering until they dig my body out when my climate-change-deformed apartment collapses or they exile my penniless ass because I'm not even worthy of washing your dirty dishes.
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %

Average Rating

5 Star
0%
4 Star
0%
3 Star
0%
2 Star
0%
1 Star
0%
planeunload Previous post Barneo off to rough start as plane damaged in emergency landing, bad weather delays other flights
ttstart Next post Doggone shame: Trappers Trail participants cheerful despite losing one-third of teams due to kennel cough epidemic